Wife Wants to Try Swinging
Q: My wife and I were married 18 years ago, two years out of high school. She was really academic in school, and she never really dated or went out with her friends. Lately she has been hinting that she is curious about other guys. She has only been with me, and I was only with one other girl before we met. She has been quiet around the house lately, yet she seems perky when our male friends are around and always dresses nicer. When I asked if she was serious, she said she would never do anything to hurt our marriage, but that if we both agreed, she is curious. I do not think I am into sharing my wife with anyone sexually. -- Shane
Dr. Susan: Let's look at the bright side: Instead of having an affair, your wife is asking you for permission to change your marital deal so she can experiment with other men. Face facts: A woman's sex drive is often quite high in her 30s, and when you've been married for so many years, it's easy to start looking over the fence with longing. So let's not blame your wife for asking. The question becomes, then, how do you handle her itchiness without messing up what you have? You tell her the truth, for starters. "The idea of sharing you sexually fills me with intense jealousy. I simply can't do it." Now the challenge is to find other ways to provide her with some novelty. When was the last time the two of you did anything different in bed? Try reading some sex books together and making a list of fun stuff to explore. Make dates when the two of you devote yourselves to fun. Share some fantasies with one another and role-play those scenarios. Think of her curiosity as a prod toward change, and the two of you can make your marriage better than ever.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.