Respecting Last Wishes
Q: I recently lost my uncle who had battled cancer for many years. When he died, it was clear from members of the family that he didnt want a memorial service or a funeral. I feel like the family should do something to honor him but the executor says its against his wishes. It turns out; his friends had a service for him but never invited his family! Should I honor his wishes or create a memorial for him with our family? -Dean, 47
Dr. Anna: People grieve in different ways. If he didnt want a big memorial service and his immediate family doesnt want to hold one, its probably better to let that one go. If you need or would like some opportunity for remembrance or memorial, there is nothing stopping you from doing something small by yourself or with other extended family who would want something similar. You could organize a small ceremony or even a lunch where you could invite people to bring pictures or share stories. You should do what you feel would help you, but try to avoid imposing your own needs on his immediate familythey need space to grieve in their own way.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.