She Drink At Parties?
Q: So over the holidays my wife and I hosted two get-togethers. They were fun-filled with plenty of good laughs. My wife, whom I never really thought had a problem with drinking, sort of became very argumentative during both parties. The Christmas party was the worst. Her three friends stormed out in a real huff. She is usually not this way, but now that I think about it, whenever she drinks, which really is often, she can become highly confrontational. Thinking about it now, I suppose it could be the alcohol. I wouldn't say she's an alcoholic, but "that side" of her definitely comes out whenever wine is involved. We are hosting another party soon, and I was wondering how I might subtly hint to her that maybe we should keep it alcohol free? Is this a bad idea? -Frank, 38
Dr. Anna: If she got in a serious argument with three of her best friends, she likely knows there is a problem. Have you talked to her about it? Find a time when you're both calm (and sober), and bring it up gently. Try something like "Hey honey, remember at the Christmas party when…" and talk about what happened. Come from a place of valuing her and being concerned, rather than accusing or judgmental. Ask her how she felt about it. Tell her you don't like seeing her jeopardize her friendships. Rather than pushing your idea on her, let her be part of coming up with a solution. If she refuses to consider how her drinking is impacting the people around her, it may be time for more serious help.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.