Is His Long Distance Relationship Doomed?
Q: My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about six months, after I accepted a better job in a city about four hours away. It was working fine at first; we made sure to visit at least every other weekend, taking turns. But lately she's missed her last few "turns" and a few times has been too "busy" for me to even come see her. Do I give up trying to make this work? —Thom-33
Dr. Pamela: Congratulations on your new job I hope it's working out better than your relationship. Long distance or not, there are warning signs when something is off in a relationship. The major indicator is a decline in communication. Whether the two of you are living under the same roof or far away, you each need to feel special and valued. And you can't feel that way if you're not communicating with one another. Communication is particularly crucial for long-distance couples, because it's difficult to pick up on the cues that people give out when they are together in the same room. That's why it's so hard for you to tell what is really going on.
One thing is clear, though — no matter how busy she is, she could find 30 seconds to text or email. If you and your girlfriend don't make a special effort to keep your communication open and honest, you both will feel unloved and unappreciated. And the relationship will break down.
Maybe it is the distance that's causing strife. But whatever the reason, if in-person meetings are not helping convince you the relationship is worthwhile, that's your cue to be single.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.