Everyone He Dates Is Too Flawed
Q: Every time I start dating a new girl, I start looking for flaws. No matter how great she seems at first, by the fourth date I hate her laugh, her job, her taste in music, you name it. Of course, things fizzle out after that. How do I shut up my inner critic long enough to get to know someone? - Trey, 27
Dr. Susan: It's not a bad idea to keep an eye out for what may be called "fatal flaws." No matter how enticing someone is, if she is a liar, talks way too much, shows no interest in you, is far more conservative than you like, or is too flirty with other guys, your future with her isn't going to be a good one. What concerns me is that you may be seeking excuses to get out of any kind of commitment. You would no doubt hear her laugh and learn about her job on the first date. And her taste in music? It may be a fatal flaw for you but it wouldn't be for a lot of other men. I suggest you look deeper inside yourself. Why do you keep asking girls out that you very quickly hate?
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.