Missing the Early Passion
Q: When my girlfriend and I first started dating about six months ago, things were hot and heavy. But the temperature in the bedroom has gotten cooler since then. Is there any way to get back to those passionate early days, or is this just what happens in relationships?--H.T., 23
Dr. Susan: Realistically speaking, the sex in relationships does change over time. Six months is not unusual for the hottest part to last, though it can last longer. There are all kinds of things you can do to pep things up, but it will never be as easy as the early months with a virtual stranger. I would suggest you think deeply about what other things have changed that may have had an impact upon your bedroom temperature.
Do you still talk as intimately? Are you allowing yourselves to be emotionally vulnerable with each other? Are you showing one another the same amount of non-sexual affection as before? Have you dared to talk to her about whether there is anything you could do differently or in addition to whatever it is you already do in the bedroom? Sometimes the early days as so hot that little irritations don't matter, but later on, small things can make a difference positively or negatively.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.