His Wife's Too Busy Working
Q: My wife is the breadwinner in our family and I couldn't be more proud of her achievements and ambition. But she was recently offered a big promotion and I don't know how to ask her to turn it down. The money is great, but she'd be required to travel at least one week per month. She already works very long hours and I feel like we rarely spend quality time together as it is. I don't want to hurt her career, but I miss seeing her! Can I ask her to pick me over her career? - Beau, 44
Dr. Susan: It's not so much that you're asking her to choose you or her career. You're asking her to consider whether the benefits of the promotion will be worth the tradeoff in marital satisfaction for the two of you. Money is useful, but time together is irreplaceable. Unless she's busy saving the world, maybe she could be helped to understand that time with you is worth giving up a little of her ambitiousness. You'll have to put yourself in her place and see what would make you see the light. Ambitious people tend to get bored just sitting around, so perhaps the two of you could find a meaningful project to share.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.