His Ex Still Fills His Mind
Q: How normal is it to keep thinking about your ex? I broke up with her over four years ago when it became clear I wasn't ready to give her the kind of commitment she wanted. I've dated many great girls since then — including my current girlfriend — but I still think about my ex often. We haven't seen each other, but I do occasionally see her on Facebook, where we share a few friends. Is it weird to still be wondering "what if" after all this time? There are times I still think about her almost every day. - Evan, 36
Dr. Susan: Our minds do like to keep busy imagining the various ways our lives might turn out or how they might have turned out differently if we'd made other choices earlier. I get that you broke up with her not because you didn't like her, but for other reasons. So it is indeed normal to remember her fondly, especially when your current life and girlfriend are imperfect. Nobody's perfect, including your ex. Accept those thoughts with a smile and then move on.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.