Second Date Blues
Q: After a week of flirty texts, I had an amazing first date with a lovely woman. We talked nonstop through dinner and shared a hot make-out session in the cab on the way home. She turned down my invitation to continue the fun at my place, but said she looked forward to that in the future. On our second date, she seemed distant, disinterested, and pulled away when I touched her. That date ended in an awkward hug. What gives? Should I try again or move on? - Jason, 45
Dr. Susan: People do things that are hard to explain. I don't know why this girl agreed to a second date if she already had second feelings about how the first date went. But that does happen. Especially if there's wine involved in the dinner, and/or the physical just took over for her. In other words, all that dinner conversation notwithstanding, when it came time to go home, you were possibly just a guy to her, any guy, and making out was simply fun.
I don't think you ought to try again. I would write one more email or text asking her what happened between date one and date two, but I wouldn't expect true enlightenment. She either lost interest suddenly, or is now involved with someone else. It happens.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.