When It's Just Play-Flirting
Q: I recently moved to a new city. I haven't met many people yet, but I do visit the same coffee shop every morning and look forward to bantering with the cute barista. How can I tell if she's flirting or just good at her job? Is there a way to ask her out without sounding like a creep? -- Ben, 24
Dr. Susan: Your barista probably gets asked out a lot, so don't worry about being taken for a creep. But how about easing into the situation by saying something like, "I bet you get asked out a lot working behind this counter," or "You're so cute and friendly, I bet you have at least one boyfriend." See how she responds. She might seem open to you, or she might say something light to avoid being serious. Or just tiptoe a little closer by saying, "What do you like to do when you're not working?" And see where that conversation takes you. By the way, being a light-hearted easy-going flirt IS being good at her job.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.