She Smokes, and He Hates Smoking

Q: My girlfriend smokes, and she's lying to me about it. We met online and she said she wasn't a smoker. But sometimes when I go to her place, I can smell it in the room. I've also smelled it on her breath after she walked outside during a date to "make a phone call." She has gum or mints all the time, but I can still taste smoke sometimes. Yet she denies it. But it's such a nasty habit, and I know it when I smell it or taste it on her. She's awesome otherwise, but I can't date a smoker. Should I tell her it's cigarettes or me? - Raeshaun, 43

Dr. Susan: Yes, offer your girlfriend a cigs-or-me ultimatum before you get any deeper into this relationship. She thinks she's successfully hidden her use of cigarettes, but that's because she has no idea how pervasive the smell of smoke is. Especially to someone who is repulsed by that smell! It also ought to bother you that she keeps lying to you, in spite of your repeated questioning of her. That's not cool. Addictions are extremely hard to break, as you must know. But if you can't date a smoker, why are you still with her?

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