He's Falling for a Married Woman
Q: I'm in love but it's not a good thing! My wife died five years ago, and I haven't dated since then. There's a wonderful woman at my church who talks to me in such a kind and caring way. She has brought food to me a few times, and mentioned that her husband is out of town so she thought she would cook for me. Her husband doesn't go to church. She and I talk after church in the pew or at our cars. I notice that she parks next to me, and I think it's on purpose. I'm so lonely and I'm falling in love with her. I know it's wrong, but I think she's the one meant for me. I feel a strong connection, even more than I did with my late wife. I don't want to give up seeing her, but I don't want to break up a marriage either. I haven't actually done anything wrong, but I'm afraid I won't be able to resist much longer. What should I do? - Matthew, 68
Dr. Susan: I suspect you know the answer to this already. This kind married woman is just being friendly. That doesn't mean she's "meant for you." It's time for you to get out there and date, rather than dreaming about a married woman who happens to be the first caring person you've run into since your wife's death. Get busy, join a group or two, and come right out and ask this sweet woman if she knows any available women to match you up with. It's not as if you have only one choice, to help destabilize someone's marriage or stay lonely. Do the right thing, even if it means staying away from that church for a while.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.