Can He Keep Graphic Video Offline?
Q: I'm worried my ex-girlfriend is going to get back at me in the worst way. I had a thing with a married neighbor while I was living with my ex-girlfriend. Me and the neighbor lady took a graphic video. My girlfriend found it on my phone and broke up with me. She said she sent the video to herself and that the other woman should watch out. I'm afraid to tell my married lover, but I'm afraid my ex will show the video around or put it online. I'm tempted to try to get my girlfriend to make up so I can find the video and delete it. The neighbor has two teenage kids, so if it gets out everyone will go crazy, especially her husband! How can I stop this from getting worse? - Max, 26
Dr. Susan: What a fine mess you've gotten yourself (and everyone around you) into! I will never understand why people make videos of themselves and leave them available in their phones (which makes them available in a lot of other places too). Meanwhile, depending on how angry your girlfriend still is at you, you might try to play on her compassion by telling her you know you deserve whatever you get, but that you don't want your lover's kids to suffer from your (and their mom's) idiocy. Show her some abject misery and tell her you've learned a hard lesson already and don't want anyone else to get hurt.
I do think you need to warn your married lover. I also think it's time you ended this wrong-headed affair. It's only a matter of time until your neighbor's family finds out.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.