Their Future Dreams Are So Different
Q: My wife and I have had a great marriage for more then 20 years, raising twins whom we'll send off to college this fall. We couldn't be more excited about this new phase in our lives, but we can't agree where to spend it. She wants to stay in the home where we've raised our family, but I think we should move to a smaller, more affordable apartment in a nearby city to take advantage of the culture and nightlife we didn't have time for during parenthood. How can we get past this? - Richard, 52
Dr. Susan: Can you afford a compromise? Perhaps renting out your beloved home and renting a place in the big city? You may find you don't make as much use of all that cultural richness as you think you will. Even if you do, and can agree on how much going out you both enjoy, you may do and see more or less everything special in the first year. Perhaps then you could move back home and visit the big city on some weekends? The important aspect of a big transition like this is that the two of you find ways to get both of your needs met. I imagine that for your wife, letting go of the family home immediately is simply too sudden. The kids aren't even gone yet. Take it a little slower and things are likely to work out in ways that will make both of you happy.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.