She's Not Quite "The One"
Q: Amy and I dated briefly in college, but went our separate ways after graduation. We reconnected a few years ago and have become good friends…and sometimes more. She's a wonderful person and I'm closer to her than anyone else, but I'm not "in love" with her. I was clear about my feelings, but it was probably wrong to hook up. I know she's frustrated that I don't want a relationship with her and she recently told me she thought we should spend some time apart. I miss my best friend! I've had other girlfriends, but no one I connect with like her. Yet I just don't feel like she's "the one." What should I do? — Jeremy, 29
Dr. Susan: Quit hooking up with this girl who isn't "the one." She's probably correct that spending time apart will offer clarity to both of you. Sure, she's your best friend, but you don't sleep with your best friend, lest everyone's hormones get involved. Stay away from her for a while. She may start seeming like someone you can't live without. But if she's truly just your friend, and she wants more, be honest and fair. Let her go so she is free to find someone more emotionally available.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.