Can a Non-Hunk Rate a Beauty?
Q: I'm fond of debating, and at an event recently I came across a girl who took my breath away. She's gorgeous, sweet, and has an amazing voice quality. Although we haven't officially met, I feel myself falling head over heels in love with her. Meanwhile she doesn't even know that I exist. I'd love to ask her out but I am scared that I don't have the physique to make a girl that beautiful fall for me and I most definitely don't want to be friend-zoned. What do I do? — Adam, 20
Dr. Susan: Welcome to the real (and scary) world of dating, Adam. There are always risks involved. I'd like to suggest two things: that you find a way to actually "meet" your dream girl before you even think of falling in love, and that you then get friendly before asking her out on an actual date. You can't expect her to go instantly from not knowing you to liking you romantically (even if that's what you did).
I could be wrong, but I don't believe you need to have an outstanding physique to be appealing to a lovely girl. Things in common, a friendly personality, and a spark of chemistry are what it takes. There's no way you can know in advance if she's going to like you as more than a friend. Be brave and find a way to meet casually, or be introduced, or just give her a specific compliment about her debating style and voice. Head over heels in love already? Oh my, but your innocent heart is in for some bruising in the coming years.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.