He Is Stuck in a Crazy-Making Triangle
Q: I met someone who is considerably younger than me, however, she has a drug problem and a boyfriend. She's told me they broke up, which isn't true. I am really attracted to her. She's told me her boyfriend had everything given to him while growing up, and I feel he is just using her. Should I cease to associate with her? Recently she said he is abusing himself with drugs, and she threatened to break up with him if he doesn't stop. Any advice? — John, 57
Dr. Susan: Here's my advice: Run like the wind away from this woman. Consider what you're dealing with. A woman who already has a boyfriend and has lied about that fact. A drug-abusing woman who comes to you for emotional support while she clings to a drug-abusing boyfriend. Don't you think she should get herself clean and stop wasting everyone's time by threatening to leave her boyfriend while continuing to see him? Attraction is easy. Using your brain is a little harder. This female is bad news, so, yes, get out of her range and stay out. Unless, that is, you enjoy frustration and pointless drama.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.