Girlfriend is a Big Slob
Q: I recently moved in with my girlfriend and was surprised to discover that she's a slob. We've been dating for 3 years, so I knew from spending time at her house that she had a lot of clutter, but now that we're living together I've realized that she never cleans the kitchen or the bathroom. I believe it's both of our responsibilities to take care of our home, but she seems perfectly happy to live in squalor. I'm not sure how much longer I can stand it. — Thomas, 22
Dr. Susan: You shouldn't have to stand it another week. Speak up! Get her input for a chart of duties, just as if the two of you were mere roommates. Let her know this has turned out to be more important to you than you expected. Don't call her a pig. Take charge of your own needs for a neater, cleaner house, and enlist her support. Some people need the structure of following a roster of responsibilities in order to do stuff they don't give a real hoot about. If, however, she continues to be a total slob, give her fair warning that you're reaching your limit.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.