He's 19 with a Pregnant Girlfriend
Q: I just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. I told her I would do the right thing and stay by her, but I'm not even sure I love her. We met at our community college and have been together for 10 months. We don't fight or anything, but I didn't think it would move this fast. She wants me to move into her house with her parents, but my house would really be better since we could have the whole basement. This whole thing has me in shock, and somehow I'm starting to feel played. Do I tell her that? My parents are supportive, but this isn't how I thought things would be. — Dean, 19
Dr. Susan: It strikes many individuals at some point in their life that "this isn't how I thought things would be." It's a shame you're both experiencing this shock so young. But a fact's a fact: you had sex and she got pregnant. As she appears to want to keep this baby, I understand her preference for living with her parents. A young mom can derive comfort and practical help from her own mother. Though your basement may be larger, living with your parents isn't going to satisfy that need for her.
Is she playing you? You haven't said anything to convince me of that. You're not sure you love her? Love isn't some miraculous thing that just "happens." It's more often that you like someone very much, get along well, and decide to make a commitment to one another. Having a baby so soon IS your commitment. So I suggest you get practical, move in with her, fall in love with your baby, and both of you work out ways to complete your education and become self-sustaining. Marriage would be nice too, but I understand I'm going against the social trend here. Oh, and I suggest seeing a counselor about your shock and paranoia. Perhaps a legal advisor too.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.