Can't Decide Which is the One
Q: I'm a good-looking guy in my mid 30s who feels like it's finally time to settle down and start a family. I've been dating two great women, and I want to get more serious with one of them to try to develop something long term. They each have certain qualities but neither of them feels like "the one." I'm afraid I'm going to make the wrong choice and regret letting one of them go.- Jonathan, 33
Dr. Susan: So many choices taunt us these days. This one, that one? But what if there's a better one, a more perfect one, out there? That sense that a particular woman is "the one" often grows after you've known each other a while, preferably without dating others at the same time. How about you make a list of their qualities, and see if one of these women has more of the important traits that would make a good wife for you? Will someone better come along? Will you never regret the loss of the one you stop dating? Who knows? It's quite possible that you're trying to "settle down" prematurely, not having found someone who makes all the others seem not worth the bother anymore. Just keep in mind that if you're dating two at once, and haven't been honest with both of them, you risk losing them both.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.