Why Can't He Find Love?
Q: I have repeatedly tried dating sites and social sites, but have virtually no luck even establishing communication with a female, much less seeing one. I don't even have a social life either. I don't even associate with the coworkers at my job. I truly believe there is no one out there for me. Is that true? That there could really be no one for somebody?? — Jeff, 40
Dr. Susan: I feel strongly that life has never been a neatly parceled-out game, where each person is matched with another one with whom to be happy. Some people find someone to love more easily, while other people struggle for a much longer time. However, if socializing doesn't come easy for you, there are a lot of things you can do.
Begin by making a list of new ways to interact with the world, such as these: Take an assertiveness-training class. Join a Toastmasters group. Make a move (better late than never) to get to know your co-workers better. See a therapist to focus on this one topic: why you haven't been successful socially. Could be you're trying too hard, come across as desperate, or are doing or saying something that is off-putting to women. Volunteer for some group and put in a few hours a week — you will meet the others in the group more readily this way. Try other dating sites (I believe the ones you pay for may work better). Ask someone (pay someone if you have to) to look over the profile you're putting online. Sometimes the "wrong" word or two will put all the women off. It's definitely not too late to find a special someone!
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.