In Love with a Dream Girl?
Q: I met the girl of my dreams online. She lives in my state, but several hours away. We finally had the opportunity to meet face-to-face and had a wonderful time together. She told me she was in love with me, and I am in love with her, too. However, less than one week after we met, I found out that she lied about her divorce being final. I also found out that it has not even been filed, although they are separated. I want to ask her to marry me, but the trust has been broken. How do I get the trust back, and do I continue this relationship? Help!!! —Bill, 33
Dr. Susan: Let me give you a clue: When you meet "the girl of your dreams," and you mostly know her online, then you must consider how much of her you've dreamed or imagined or projected from your own wishes. Bottom line: Real lasting love isn't something that happens instantly, and certainly not just from meeting someone online. I get that you had a good time when you finally met. And that you feel betrayed as more information has come to light. Hold off on any marriage proposals. You won't get the trust back until she tells you more about why she lied, and until you spend more face time together and get to know her better. Of course, first she needs to be separated legally or divorced before the two of you even consider committing to one another. The legal stuff may feel like a bother to her, but she isn't free to connect with you until she and her ex take that trouble. Otherwise, who knows what might happen between them that could interfere with your relationship?
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.