Should He Stay or Go (Again)?
Q: After five years and a child with my current girlfriend, I struggled with my love for her. We broke up, and I found the dating scene as exciting as it used to be. I started dating another girl. After about six months of this new fun and exciting relationship, I started missing my baby's mother. So we started talking again and are now back together. My question is how come I am still hung up on this other girl? Was our relationship too good to let go of, or am I just scared that my current relationship with my baby's mother is a comfy situation and I'm scared to move on? — Nick, 25
Dr. Susan: Fun and excitement are wonderful, as long as they last. But every relationship goes through stages. The new girl would have eventually gotten on your nerves, or become boring, or your relationship with her would have gotten comfy too. But you have a child, and so you need to think really hard about the trade-offs you're willing to make in your life. You are young enough to move on, but that doesn't mean you should. Face it: You're hung up on the other girl because you weren't with her long enough to get bored. We're always attracted to novelty. Newness is arousing. A long-term relationship where a child is involved can't compete with that newness on the same terms, but give it time and you'll stop obsessing over the other woman. Make up your mind one way or another, and decide who's worth committing to. Just don't treat your baby's mother, and the baby, like yo-yo's.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.