She Accuses Him of Jealousy
Q: It seems that whenever I ask the kind of question that my girlfriend would have no problem asking me, she attacks me verbally and accuses me of being insanely jealous. Why can't I ask her the same question that she would ask me??? — Manuel, 37
Dr. Susan: Have you asked her this question? Some people use anger, real or exaggerated, as a manipulative tool to get their way. That way, you'll go away and stop asking the kind of questions they'd prefer not to answer. I'm not saying that your girlfriend is hiding anything. But she apparently thinks it's okay for her to interrogate you, but not vice versa. As you don't like this, it's time to get at the root of what's going on. Ask her if she's had "insanely jealous" boyfriends before. That could explain why ANY question sets her off. Remind her that you're not them. Also, you may want to think about whether this is the only area in which she isn't being fair or open with you. Regardless, her attacking you verbally is not okay. It's emotional abuse. Let her know it's unacceptable.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.