His Girlfriend's TOO Nice
Q: My girlfriend is super nice to everyone. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with her. But she's this way even with other guys, and they think she's flirting with them, so they hit on her. It really irritates me because she's too nice to really turn them down, so they don't stop. What do I do? I'm 19. -- Al
Dr. Susan: Have you told your girlfriend that you feel hurt when she doesn't give all those other guys a clear message that she's "yours"? Being very young herself, she most likely hasn't yet learned techniques for letting guys down gently. It's been found that males typically interpret smiling and laughing as signs of sexual interest, though many young girls don't realize that. They just mean to be friendly.
She's probably also enjoying the attention, and maybe not realizing how jealous she's making you. Try pointing out to her, very nicely (!), that while she means to be nice to all those guys, the truly nicest thing she can do is not to give them false hope. Tell her that, as a male yourself, you know that most guys prefer not to be strung along by a girl who has a boyfriend she really intends to stay with. She does intend to remain with you, doesn't she? She needs to clarify that, both for herself and for you, and then act accordingly. She owes you that.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.