Time to Move On
Q: We dated for more than two years and have separated at least three times. The last two times I had a strong feeling she was playing the field. I planned many activities in advance, but she would forget and cancel them that day or evening. Each day I would say "I love you" to share my closeness, but I felt that I was in the role of Demi Moore from Ghost. She knew I loved her but nothing was returned verbally or physically. I felt something was wrong because on that last Thanksgiving we found rings and decided to share our news at Christmas, but the week before Christmas she didn't want the rings anymore.
It's almost three years later now and I am sure she is calling me and hanging up after I answer. Why can't she face me in person and tell me the truth? I would like to be with her, but I can't handle thinking that she is seeing someone else, too. Problem is I know she loves me more. She won't open up to talk. Should I just move on? -- John, 47
Dr. Susan: You can't possibly know that she loves you more than anyone else. That's wishful thinking. If you've separated at least three times, and she was playing the field during and/or in-between the times you were together, she's surely seeing other men. It could be that she's the one calling and hanging up or it could be someone else (don't you have Caller ID?), but that's just childish behavior and something to be ignored. I don't understand why you haven't moved on before this. She wasn't returning your affection at any point, she cancelled activities regularly at the last minute, she changed her mind about being engaged, and she won't talk. That's not a relationship that shows promise. Quit fooling yourself that she loves you. She's moved on, and you must too.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.