Old Pal Wants His Girl
Q: My old roommate, now an acquaintance, has what I call "Single White Female syndrome." He wants everything I have, including my girlfriends. I try to keep him out of my life, but for some reason he continues to "stalk" me. He, of course, doesn't think twice about going after my current girlfriend. She is completely devoted to me, thank goodness. However, a mean streak in me wants to put him in his place, beat him at his own game and embarrass him. I've read some tips to ward off girlfriend stealers, such as putting your arms around her, kissing her in the presence of the predator, etc., but what are some other tips to keep this guy at bay and subtly show him that I'm on to his tactics, fending him off once and for all? I'd like to do this without me looking jealous, of course!
Please don't tell me to take the high road and know in my heart that my girl wants me only. I need some ammunition - I need to play dirty with a dirty person. -- Clint, 30
Dr. Susan: I'm not going to tell you to take the high road. I'm going to tell you to take the sane road. I don't know any legal or moral means of getting this guy to stay away, but you don't have to socialize with him, do you? Why would you spend time near him at all? If he's literally stalking you, get a restraining order. If you don't want to look jealous, stop acting like a jealous man. It's really up to her to let him know that she isn't available to him. Playing dirty is a slippery slope that isn't going to end as happily as you'd like. Life is full of situations in which you have to learn to just walk away. So take your girlfriend's hand and remove yourselves from any room you find him in.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.