Hubby's Too Tied to His Ex
Q: I am only married one week, and my husband keeps meeting with his second wife. She calls at all odd hours. He tells me that he will see her as he has the utmost respect for her. She has no idea that he is married and he refuses to tell her as he doesn't want to hurt her. I have told him countless times that I feel that this is not right and what about my feelings. He says that there is nothing between them anymore and that I am just being insecure and don't trust him. So then just the other day he tells me that they still have joint banking accounts and he will never close the account with her. I told him that I feel he is leading her on and has a foot in each door. I am seriously considering annulling the marriage. HELP! Am I just overreacting? -- Lorena, 41
Dr. Susan: I don't think you are overreacting. You don't say how long you knew this fellow before marrying him, but his current behavior is quite unusual. Especially that he keeps meeting his ex and talking with her and shares a bank account with her, but won't tell her he is remarried. All the red warning lights go off there. He sounds utterly enmeshed with her in an unhealthy way. He doesn't want to hurt her feelings? But yours don't matter?! If you and he have a joint account, and he has one with her, but she doesn't know about you, All kinds of mayhem could be in the making. Perhaps a couple of sessions with a therapist are in order. Certainly he has to let his ex know he's remarried now. I can't think of any legitimate excuse for his keeping you secret. I wouldn't trust him either.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.