Can She Love A Gay Guy?
Q: I am a straight woman in love with a gay man. He says he loves me too! How can this be? How can we learn to be just friends? -- Maria, 49
Dr. Susan: When you say you're in love with this gay man, do you mean "love" as in can't wait to jump his bones? Or would a non-intimate friendship be just fine with you? I suspect both you and he are using the word "love" rather loosely to mean you care about one another a lot, find one another great company, and want to keep each other in your lives for a long time to come. I urge the two of you to have a friendly conversation about what you each mean. That way there won't have to be any broken hearts or confusion. Gay men often love their women friends, but they continue to want to pursue male sexual relationships. And women who love gay guys need to be clear that these relationships aren't going to end up in a monogamous marriage. And everyone needs to be clear about who's hooking up with whom so there are no nasty disease surprises.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.