Tired of Being Alone
Q: I'm 42, and the one and only time I went on a date was back in 1988. I am told that I am a nice person, and I can talk to all kinds of people. It seems that no guys have ever been interested in me. The only clue I have is that I've been told I'm not attractive. I have done everything I can think of to change the way I look but nothing helps. Should I just accept the fact that I will always be alone? I really do want someone special in my life. -- Anne, 42
Dr. Susan: I'm not sure who has been telling you what you are and are not. You don't have to be very attractive physically to be appealing to someone. So unless you really are very unpleasant to look at, I'd say that's not the reason you're not scoring dates. You might try to consult a therapist simply to get another opinion from an honest person who is not a friend. Maybe there is something about you that is an automatic turnoff -- something that can be improved.
The best way to meet compatible people is by involving yourself in activities with other people. Try a church (or atheist) group, a political organization, a library book group or game group. I would encourage you not to give up on finding someone special, but by now I'd say you need to do something different from what hasn't worked before.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.