He Isn't Calling Anymore
Q: I met this guy six months ago. After two months, we moved in together, but two weeks ago he said he had to move out due to his job. He told me nothing was going to change except he would not be living with me and not sleeping at my house every night. But he's only called me once since then. I have done all the calling, though I haven't talked to him for four days now. Should I call or do I let him take the next step? -- Linda
Dr. Susan: It's an old story: rather than tell the whole truth, people let a little of it leak out at a time. It's beginning to sound like your guy isn't telling you what's really going on here. Did he fully explain why he couldn't live with you anymore "due to his job"? That's a bizarre reason. In order to help you figure out what's going on, let me ask you this: when you were living together, was he attentive to you? Or did he seem to take you for granted and just use your home as a place to stay? Because if you were getting really close and now he hasn't called in two weeks, I have to wonder what his feelings actually are.
There are two ways you can find out what's going on. One is to ask him outright: how come you never call me? Have your feelings changed? Should we see other people? Are you seeing someone else? And the second way is to stop calling him completely and see what happens. It's quite unusual for a relationship that's developing beautifully to suddenly go backwards like this unless one of the partners has lost interest or has started seeing someone else.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.