How to Ditch a Leech
Q: I have been seeing this man for over a year. Before we sleep together, he always asks me if I have gone to the bank and if I'm going to take care of him. I've only recently realized that he is only sleeping with me for money. I love this man so much, but I realize he is using me and that I let him do it. Besides that, he has a girlfriend that he's been with for 16 years who lives near him. He spends lots of nights at her house, while only giving me two hours once a month. I give him about $300 a month. He doesn't need my money, as he has plenty of his own. I'm a very attractive lady, and I know what I need to do but can't kick him to the curb. He is a big time user, and I need to know how to put a stop to this. -- Lacey, 55
Dr. Susan: You are paying him way too much for his paltry two hours of time. You could get a really good plumber for $150 an hour. So why do you persist in letting yourself be used in this obvious and abusive way? Your real question should be how do you fill those two hours a month in a more constructive way. Kicking him to the curb seems only fitting. Maybe you can make it easier: don't go to the bank next time he comes. Tell him you're not paying him anymore. I suspect he'll kick himself to the curb. At the very least, you can pay a therapist that money to help you figure out why you can't stop loving such a two-timing exploiter.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.