Do Feelings Change So Quickly?

Q: I decided to stop dating a woman I really liked a few months ago. Before that happened she expressed that she loved me and I tried to continue. Recently I decided to try to explore seeing her casually, and she appeared to be willing, but now finds herself unable to do so without spending time with me. She also denies ever being in love with me. From attempting to become exclusive to expressing love to me a few months ago, to now not being able to talk to me: I'm perplexed. Is it possible she's being extremely guarded and denying her interest and feelings toward me? -- Eve, 44

Dr. Susan: If your former love interest doesn't want to talk to you anymore, I would say that she is being honest, not guarded. If what she wanted was to spend time with you, and that was too much of a commitment for you, then I suggest that the two of you aren't much of a match. I don't know why you stopped dating her if you "really liked" her. From her point of view, it's probably impossible to go from the intensity of loving you (or thinking she did) to just seeing you occasionally and casually. Anyway, why would you want to be with someone who is so "guarded" that she won't even talk to you? Time to move on.

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