Reconnect with First True Love
Q: I found my long-ago true love's address and, about three years ago, I wrote to him. He responded! We have been writing each other 10-page letters since then, at least 2-3 times a year. No phone calls or e-mails, but we've exchanged pictures, cards, etc. He never married and is now a handsome 60-year young man, and I have been divorced many years and am 56.
He is in New York and I am in Florida. I wrote him that I was coming north to see my family and wanted to grab a bite to eat and have a few drinks. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect a letter back in which he said that was a great idea. He wanted to cook me dinner, get some wine and talk and laugh like we used to and for me to stay at his place since we have so much to talk about. I am absolutely ecstatic and we finally talked on the phone making the arrangements. We talked for over two hours and it was like we talked last week! I'm flying up in two weeks. I can't stop thinking about this upcoming visit and wanted to get your thoughts on this. -- Glenda, 56
Dr. Susan: My number one thought is that I really truly hope this works out well for you. My number two thought, as I'm cautious by nature, is that you keep your heart in check just a tiny bit, so you can give this old-new relationship a fair start. He wants you to stay at his place, which means there is probably going to be physical intimacy. I can tell you he's counting on that. I worry a tiny bit due to his never having married. Not to mention that you've been writing for three years and it was you who first suggested getting together. But it sounds promising and hopeful. Just don't assume he's ready to marry you. He may have in mind something much less committed. So have a great time and get to know each other, as he is now, not as he was in your memory.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.