Not a Mystery
Q: I have been in a 13-year relationship with a man 10 years my junior. Two months ago he said he didn't love me and moved out. I found out he was cheating with a 25 year old with huge fake boobs. He left me with all the bills and his animals, and seems to be having the time of his life. The few times we have talked, he is very angry towards me. I am having problems understanding his attitude and how he could do this knowing that I could not afford the home and animals without him. How do I figure out what is really going on and fix things between us, or do I just move on with my life without him? -- Julie, 50
Dr. Susan: What is really going on is not a mystery: your partner has left you for someone else. Her boob size and age aren't really relevant to your situation. How could he leave his animals (and your home), knowing you couldn't afford them? That's simple: consideration and thinking things through aren't part of who he is. I would make a list and tackle things one by one. First, will he sit down with you and explain his anger and his plans for the near future? Does he want you to give away the animals? Does he want to start paying you some support for the house and pets? If he won't talk, then see a lawyer, a realtor, and a counselor, or any combination of the above. Whether he loves you or ever loved you is not material. He is having a wild affair, as so many people do, and not thinking straight. You could try waiting him out. I don't think I would.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.