Too Late to Go Back to Him?
Q: My boyfriend and I went out for more than a year. Although we loved each other very much, he started to miss life with his single friends. He didn't know what he wanted, so I made him choose between me or being single. He chose me, but he didn't seem sure. When I pressed him to really think about it and let me know, he chose to be single. He immediately started talking to his ex-girlfriend again. At the same time, I started developing feelings for my best friend, a guy who always gave me the best advice and helped me through my break-up. A few days later my ex-boyfriend called me to say he wanted to be with me and how much he regretted breaking up with me.
I am super confused right now! I don't know what to do because I fell for my best friend. I would love to be with my ex-boyfriend again, because he meant so much to me. We shared many things together. We had a bond like no other, and it would be hard to just let that go. On the other hand, however, my best friend is such an amazing guy. I trust him with everything, and I would hate myself for leading him on and then just telling him I'm getting back with my ex. I honestly don't know what I want right now. Help! I don't know what to do! -- Gabby, 19
Dr. Susan: Think about it: your ex said he wanted to be single, but what he did was re-connect right away with his own ex. When that relationship turned out not to be what he wanted, he decided to get back with you. He doesn't know what he wants either! Maybe you shouldn't burn your bridges with your so-called best guy friend so quickly. The deeper issue for you to think about is why you have to box yourself into one relationship this early in your life. It seems like your feelings change quickly, and so do the feelings of the young guys in your life. It's natural to want to have many experiences before settling down. Has your ex really gotten all that he wanted from his short period of singleness? If not, he'll leave you again before long. It's possible that neither of these fellows is the one you will stay with as you continue to figure out who you are and what you want.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.