Trying Again After Divorce
Q: My husband divorced me three years ago, but I never stopped loving him, and we're dating again now. We have a daughter together. He had several dates and a couple of short useless relationships before coming back to me. A couple of those women continue to call and text him. He claims it's sports-related due to some football pools and just occasional "hellos". I say it's not right and not respectful. It just puts knots in my stomach. I ask that he should tell them he's back in a relationship with me, but he says they're just "friends" now. Please tell me what your take is on this. I'm very confused. -- Mandy, 53
Dr. Susan: Your confusion is a direct result of your ex-husband's efforts to have his cake and eat it too. In other words, your gut feeling (your stomach in knots) is telling you not to trust him fully. He needs to take your feelings into account and help you both get beyond this long separation. If these women he's been intimate with are now "just friends," he definitely ought to tell them he's in a relationship and not to call and text him anymore. You both need to give a little as you work toward building a genuine and trusting relationship. If I were you, I'd let him know that giving up the football pool and "occasional hellos" from women he's recently dated isn't that much for you to ask for.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.