Will He Give Her a Chance?

Q: I haven't known this guy very long. He's fresh out of a divorce and not in a hurry to get serious with anyone, but he says he has feelings for a girl he knew "way back when." But then there's me. How can I make sure that when he is ready to get serious he will give me a chance to show that I could be his dream girl? -- Melissa, 35

Dr. Susan: This guy went out of his way to tell you about his feelings for some other woman. That ought to give you a clear indication that he has no deep interest in you. Sounds like he's just exploring his options, feeling his oats, that sort of thing. Men freshly divorced are often in no hurry to give up their freedom and make another commitment. There's really no way you can get him to think of you as his dream girl at some future date. It just doesn't work that way. He may need to see what's up with that "way back when" girl. My best advice is to listen to what he's telling you. He's not looking for a dream girl at the moment, and even if he is, he doesn't think it's you. So hedge your bets (like he is) and play the field. Sure, you can keep being sweet (if not a doormat), and maybe someday you will be the desirable girl he knew "way back when." Still, I wouldn't hold my breath.

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