Wife's sexy marital hijinks
Q: I am a widow with two boys. About three years ago I married a man six years my junior. Lately I have been getting very brave when it comes to our lovemaking, trying different things, which he really seems to enjoy. My question is do you think I am just doing this to make sure he does not stray, or is it because I am afraid he will find someone younger?
Dr. Susan: Seems to me your answer is built into your question. For most couples, when the wife is willing to be adventurous in bed, trying new positions and techniques, the husband is typically quite pleased. No problem there at all! But you seem uneasy for some reason. Why don't you ask YOURSELF what your motivations are? I mean, are you doing things you're really rather not do, but you do them out of fear? Has he been hinting in some vague way that he's dissatisfied with your relationship? If so, deal with that directly.
If you're sexually adventurous because you want to please your husband, and you're having a fun time too, there's nothing wrong with that. Just so you know: there's never any guarantee a partner won't stray, no matter how great your sex life is. And just so you know this also: the age difference between you is not important if both of you are happy together. Men don't necessarily stray for adventurous sex or for younger women. They stray because they CAN (the opportunity comes their way and they aren't clear enough about wanting to stay faithful, so they just go for it). Or they stray because they don't feel loved or listened to or fulfilled in some way, and they're not motivated enough to keep working on their primary relationship. So keep up the bedroom hijinks, but be sure you also have really top-notch intimacy in other areas of your life with your husband.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.