Wants Abuser Back
Q: I am in love with a man who mentally, physically and verbally abused me. We are not seeing each other right now, but still occasionally talk on the phone. He is seeing a therapist, has been put on meds, and wants me back. I am having a hard time forgiving him. How do I deal with it? I do want him back. -- Tammy, 44
Dr. Susan: Ever hear of the word "masochist"? How about the word "desperate"? Get yourself to a shrink (seriously) to find out WHY you want this untrustworthy fellow back. I wouldn't be in any rush to "forgive" him for so many kinds of abuse. It takes time to learn new habits, and abusive men are very slow to learn. If it were only a matter of his taking meds, that would be great, but I wouldn't trust him not to revert to his old ways. You could be risking your life. Abusers actually tend to get worse over time. It could be useful for a professional to see you together as a couple to get at some deeper issues.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.