Not Divorced Yet

Q: I have been together with my boyfriend for a month. He is married, but they are already separated though not divorced. His ex-wife has a new man. They have a daughter together, and she lives with her mother. I feel so insecure because I feel like I'm a mistress, but my boyfriend told me that he really really loves me. He says he has found what he is looking for in a girl. I love him so much, but what if one day he changes his mind and wants to go back to his family? Please give me advice - do I need to leave him or just let our relationship go on? -- Julie, 23

Dr. Susan: Your story is an old one, and such stories often have sad endings for the girlfriend. It would be far better if more time had passed before your boyfriend started dating seriously, enough time for a divorce to be completed. Your instinct -- to feel insecure -- is a realistic one. So many men do go back to their wives after a period of experimentation. I'm not suggesting you have to leave him, but you really shouldn't count on him being a permanent part of your life until he is divorced, at the very least. You've only been with him a month. No one knows how much of his "love" is "lust," regardless of how much he assures you of his undying love (which he probably said to his wife also, not THAT long ago). Only you can decide how long you want to stay with him without his getting a divorce. I would suggest you take it slow, emotionally, and that you make every effort not to make a baby with him.

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