Bad Marriage is Killing Her
Q: I have been married for 34 years to a man who has cheated on me too many times to count. The only time he touches me is when he wants sex. There is no romance, no tenderness. He also has a drinking problem. I have been a diabetic for 25 years and take meds that lower my sex drive. He says everything is my fault and that I don't pay enough attention to him. This man has hurt me for years. I need peace in my life. I already tried to kill myself once and came close another time. I don't want that to happen again. Please help me. -- Dana, 53
Dr. Susan: You need more intensive help than you can get online. Please find a good therapist who can help you work out the complex issues you're contending with. You've hung in there for a very long time with a man who is unkind to you, lies to you, hurts you, and then blames you for all of it. Believe me, please, that this man is not worth dying for. But also, do not expect much change from him. While it's not going to be easy to change your life after being stuck in this pattern for so long, you can do it. You can't imagine now how low-stress it's going to feel when you get out from under this man's thumb. Of course, if you've been on the same medications for many years, do check to see if there are better combinations for you. The fact that you've considered suicide more than once makes me wonder if you're suffering from depression, too. Perhaps if you get help with that first, you'll be better able to face the big changes you might need to make in order to regain your self-respect and your life.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.