Ditched Her for a Pal
Q: I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months now. We have been good so far in our relationship, but recently his friend from the army came to visit, and he is not spending much time with me. I feel like I am coming in second. Our time together went from going out twice every weekend, to once every weekend, to not seeing me the whole week. He tells me that I'm selfish for getting on his case, that after his friend leaves he is going to spend every weekend with me. His friend is leaving this week so they want to party hard, and he tells me he is not going to be able to see me this weekend at all after he told me we were going to hang out this Saturday. Do you think I'm being selfish by getting on his case? -- Naomi, 23
Dr. Susan: Maybe. What I'm hearing is clingy behavior that leaves no room for your boyfriend to breathe. He has this rare chance to spend time with his old friend, and apparently the relationship they have doesn't leave room for you, which is too bad. I'm not sure what partying hard is, in this case. If he and his pal are out there at clubs and spending time meeting other women, then it doesn't look good for you and him, at least not if you've agreed to be monogamous. Maybe he's not ready for a committed relationship. I wouldn't blame you for wondering what they're doing all this time, but I wouldn't bug him about it too much. See what happens when you get back together. If he's a good guy, you'll see it in his actions at that time.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.