Keeping Her Stuff
Q: I was planning to marry a man from Scotland. He has come over to the States 7 times at my expense and I spent almost $30,000 on him in the 2 years we were together. A month ago he decided he didn't want to marry me. I asked him to return a few items that, when I bought them, I told him he could have use of them and once we married they would belong to the both of us. He has refused and told me to sue him. I'm wondering if I can sue him although he lives in the UK. He is also coming over again at the end of June and will have some of the items with him. Can I just take these items and tell him to sue me if he wants them back? Is possession of the items to my benefit? -- Brenda, 58
Dr. Susan: You don't need my love advice, Brenda! You're way beyond that now. If the items you bought for your foreign boyfriend are indeed worth pursuing across international borders, then see a good lawyer. It could be worth the few hundred dollars to find out your rights. I can't give you legal advice, but I recall that O.J. Simpson's erroneous reading of his legal rights, taking back his property without asking, got him in huge trouble. Why are you planning to see him again anyway? He has suddenly and unaccountably turned adversarial on you, and that makes me suspect that he has been using you all along. One should be very wary of spending big bucks on a love interest this way, but now that you have, you might have to chalk up the loss as a costly lesson.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.