Does a Kiss Mean He Cares?
Q: I recently went out with a friend I haven't seen in three years. Found out he's engaged, with no wedding date yet. We ended up kissing, that's all. I know he likes me. I'm in deep with him. But when I asked him if he ever had feelings for me, he said "sorry... no." He looks at me like he loves me, but he won't admit it. I don't think he's serious about his fiancée. He and I have been dancing around this for three years. What do you think? -- Janey, 25
Dr. Susan: I think you're spinning castles in the air. I also think you're behaving like a spoiled brat to go out with an engaged man and convince yourself he likes you better than the woman he said he's going to marry. You might feel better about yourself and your life if you respected this other woman a bit more. You don't have to know a woman to recognize how you'd feel in her place. As for the guy, take him at his word this time. He doesn't have feelings for you. He kissed you because he could (men can be infuriating that way, and I don't excuse it in this case). But you have no basis for a relationship with him. Anyway, how can you be "in deep" with a fellow you haven't seen in three years, who is betraying his fiancée by fooling around with you, and who confesses he has no feelings for you? He's no prize, and if you don't get away from him, neither will you be.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.