Craves Another Man

Q: I have been married for 18 years and have 2 kids. We have our problems, we argue, etc., yet we work them out. My husband loves me. I love him too, but there is just something missing. The other day a guy approached me, gave me his phone number, and I called him. He knows I am married. The next day we met and had sex. So far we have seen each other twice, yet I want to see him again. I bet he is just using me but I don't care. Why did I call him in the first place? What's wrong with me?? -- Randi, 38

Dr. Susan: Ah, Randi, you're human, that's what's wrong with you. And a little impulsive and foolish besides. I needn't tell you that you're risking everything for a little buzz: your marriage, your husband's trust, your children's belief in you, your own self-esteem, even a nasty sexually-transmitted disease. After nearly two decades of togetherness, it's not going to be a surprise to anyone that "something" will be missing. The excitement of newness, that's what's missing. In a good marriage, what takes the place of newness is the comfort and pleasure of knowing someone really well and being known for who you really are, and still being loved even with all your flaws. The new guy is all about sex with a stranger, no strings attached. But trouble usually lurks. You may decide you love him, which could have dire consequences. Your husband is bound to notice that something is different. And rather than helping your marriage, your interludes with this stranger may make it even harder for you to have a good time with your husband in bed. You owe it to yourself and to your mate to give your marriage some effort. If you keep seeing this guy, and if you love your husband as you say you do, you'll surely be extremely sorry later for what you're doing now. I've never found that the hurt you cause is worth the short-term fun of a few quickies.

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