Virginity: Dating Drawback?
Q: I am a 22-year-old virgin and am confused by the way guys feel about inexperienced women. I don't necessarily think that I have to be married before I sleep with someone, but I want to care about them deeply so it is special. Sometimes I feel embarrassed, so I never offer up the information that I have never slept with someone before. What do guys really think about a girl who wants to wait? Is it a turnoff or something?
Dr. Susan: Very few men who are worth the bother would be turned off by your decision to wait to have sex until you care about someone deeply. Would you really want to get involved sexually with someone who ONLY wanted you for sex? Some women don't mind, but I doubt that this is your style.
Being a virgin is nothing to be embarrassed about. It's your choice, it's not being forced on you because you're utterly unattractive, and you can always change your mind when you meet someone appealing on enough levels. In fact, an awful lot of women would do their "first time" over again if they could -- it's often not very satisfying, and way too often embarrassing and disappointing in a lot of ways. Something else to keep in mind is that men often often like to be the more experienced one in the couple.
There's nothing wrong with wanting some emotional content in your lovemaking. You'll remember the first time the rest of your life, so it surely makes sense to want it to be all-around good, not a regrettable quickie to to be gotten over with just to please someone else.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.