Boyfriend a Miser?
Q: How do I get my boyfriend to spend more money on me without looking like a gold-digger? -- Dorrie, 36
Dr. Susan: The first thing you need to do is determine why you want him to spend more money on you. Is it because in your background you learned to equate money with love? Or is it because your boyfriend truly is a cheapskate? If he's very miserly with you for no good reason (low income, saving to start a business, helping his aged mother, etc.), it could be a sign of a person lacking generosity in other ways, too. Many relationships flounder on the issue of money. If you're serious about him, you need to have a few conversations about what money means to each of you. If it's a matter of not being able to go to places you long to go with him, I see nothing wrong with sharing the cost, if you can comfortably do so. Otherwise, you risk seeming as though you're expecting him to "take care" of you, and apparently, that's not his style.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.