Her Guy's Baby's Mom
Q: I have been with my new man for about 2-3 months now. He is awesome with my kids and a good person, but he has a child by another woman on the way, due in a couple months. He says he and the baby's mother have been done for five months, that they just didn't get along. But I don't want to get hurt if the tables turn. Also it kind of disturbed me when he told me his best friend's woman used to be his woman. I love him and he says he loves me, but I don't know if I can trust this relationship. -- Marlene, 25
Dr. Susan: It's always tricky to try to predict someone else's future feelings for a baby that's not yet born. If he's great with your kids, he may fall deeply in love with his own, and that could (but won't necessarily) affect how he feels about the kid's mom. I wouldn't sign up for a wedding registry until the baby's born and your guy has had some time (several months at least) to work out what is sure to be a complex set of emotions. The two of you may be jumping into a relationship too deeply, too quickly, after only a couple months of knowing one another. Best friends do sometimes date one another's exes, and that's not, by itself, a warning sign of anything horrible. At least he told you. It's too soon to blindly trust him or the relationship. Meanwhile, try to keep your communications with one another honest throughout the difficult period that's coming up.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.