Old Wedding Photo
Q: Is it normal for a man who's been divorced for five years to still be carrying his wedding photo in his wallet? He has two kids by her who are now 10 and 7, and he gets them on the weekends. She lives a mile away. Although he left her because she cheated on him, he told me he slept with her two years after the divorce. We have been seeing each other and having sex for two months. He said he took the picture out after he told me it was there. So what do you think about the picture? Is he still in love with her? -- Melina, 30
Dr. Susan: "Normal" is a meaningless word. I know a man who insists it's not normal to sing in the car, so when his wife sings in the car, he gives her a hard time. Some men never go through their wallets until they have to buy a new wallet, so it's possible your boyfriend never thought about removing his wedding photo. He told you he took it out after you two got together, and I don't think you're saying he put it back, so I can't see that you have much to worry about there. The picture was probably just a remnant of a long-ago time when he embarked on what he had hoped would be a happy family life. Although that marriage ended badly, his feelings must have been a mess for several years, as evidenced by the fact that he slept with his ex a couple years after they parted. I can't begin to guess whether he's still in love with her. You'll have to figure that out by the quality of the relationship you currently have with him. Is he honest with you? Is he good to you? Do the two of you have a great time together? It's always a challenge to build a secure relationship with a man who shares kids with a previous wife, but don't let your pointless jealousy make it harder.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.